Cancer Journal (08.12.31): And Then There Were None

Reflection
Today would have been chemo #13. Thankfully I needed only twelve.

Praise be to our God!

A little update on my progress. My doctor sent me to a radiation oncologist who advised me on the matter. While radiation is typically for patients who have had a large tumor or a single, super-enlarged lymph node, she recommended radiation in my situation because of the significant size of the numerous enlarged lymph nodes in my chest. She outlined the benefits, risks, and proposed schedule that I would face, and then left Kimberly and me to make the decision, assuring me that choosing not to have radiation would still be reasonable.

As with any treatment, there are unknowns. But going ahead with radiation changes the odds (humanly speaking) of a relapse from roughly one-in-three to one-in-ten. That was significant enough for Kimberly and me to go ahead with both doctors' recommendation.

We're convinced that the work of these two doctors is in direct answer to many prayers offered on my behalf, that God would grant wisdom to those providing medical care for me. I was reminded in Nehemiah 4 this morning that there is no conflict between human responsibility and divine sovereignty. Even as Nehemiah commanded the workers to rally to a place of battle, he affirmed that it would be God who fought for them. Even as the Jews worked to thwart their enemies' assault, they ultimately recognized that it was God who frustrated their plan. Even as the laborers built the wall, Nehemiah acknowledged that it was God who prospered their work. So we look at the work of my doctors and nurses--their diligent, intentional labor on my behalf--and recognize that it has been God who has given wisdom and brought healing.

Praise be to our God!

One other item. At my last treatment, after everything was completed and I prepared to leave the office, I asked my nurse a question for which I've wanted an answer for a while: if my cancer hadn't been found, how long would it have taken for it to take my life? She replied, "A year, at the most," explaining further that Hodgkins, while curable, is a very fast-moving cancer. I asked, "Is that one year from my diagnosis at Stage IIB in late June?" She shook her head. "No," she said. "It would have been a lot quicker."

That is a sobering thought. With every day that passes, it becomes more of a reality that I am living on borrowed time. If I had lived fifty years ago, I might already be gone. If God hadn't prospered the work of my medical team, my life may already be over.

But the reality is, I was already living on borrowed time. Born a sinner, I deserved not a single day, not a single breath. Every day has been an act of God's free grace, twenty-four more hours that I did not and could not merit. But then Christ broke in to reveal his gospel, common grace became saving grace, and God has been at work to fill my borrowed time with praise to his glory.

So I rejoice tonight, not merely in the extended time that God has granted, but also in the work of the Spirit to recognize his mercy. To live more days without an awareness of his glory would be to add condemnation to condemnation. But to enjoy longer life in view of God's mercy is in itself a gift of his mercy.

Praise be to God!


Rejoicing
Because he promised, "The flame shall not hurt you; I only design your dross to consume and your gold to refine."

Because the T4G guys were willing to put the hymn-singing from this year's conference on CD. Thank you! It has been food for my soul and the source of much tear-filled rejoicing.

Because of great friends whose humility, transparency, and desire for God inspire me to love Christ more.

Because of the two men who showed up Monday to clear the leaves and trim the bushes at my house. You were the hands and feet of my Savior to my family.

Because of time spent with my parents this past weekend. The older I get, the more I realize what a gift from God they are to me.


Request
That God would use my cancer to glorify himself, both in the salvation of unbelievers and in the preparation of his people for whatever suffering he has ordained.

That God would grant me humility as he continues his great work of sanctification.

That God would bless my family with rest and joy in Christ.

Unseen Persecution

Peter Anders:

"We are praying for you."

This was said to me by a Russian pastor to whom I had just secretly delivered Bibles in a city called Leningrad in what was the Soviet Union, locked behind an "Iron Curtain." We had spent the morning drinking coffee in the basement of his church, discussing the oppressive political realities of seeking to faithfully serve Jesus Christ in his country at that time. When I sought to encourage him by reporting that Christians in the West are praying for him, he earnestly responded with this statement. I was compelled to ask him what he meant--how could it be that a church living under the daily hardships of persecution is so concerned about us who enjoy life in relative freedom? His answer became the occasion for much personal reflection over the years: "We clearly see the ways our common Enemy persecutes us through the atheistic communist propaganda and practices of our government; our Enemy persecutes you just as ruthlessly, except you don't see it."

From Modern Reformation 17.5 (Sept/Oct 2008), p. 37.

The U.S. to Disintegrate in 2010?

So says one Russian professor.

Merry Christmas from the Hoskinsons!

Christmas 2008

Dear Family and Friends,

Last Christmas none of us could have predicted what path our sovereign and good God would lead us through in 2008. We certainly wouldn’t have chosen it, but neither would we trade one moment of it for anything in the world.

As you probably know, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma in June. Following the doctor’s orders, I underwent twelve chemo treatments (my last one was yesterday!) and am planning on three-and-a-half weeks of radiation in late January/early February. My most recent scan showed that the cancer is either dead or gone. Praise the Lord!

More significant to us, however, is what Christ has done in our hearts through this process. Cancer may have been a surprise to us, but it was no surprise to our Lord. Furthermore, it was his divine intention to bring cancer to me in order to display his greatness and goodness to us. We have experienced depths of God’s love that we wouldn’t have known apart from cancer. We have seen wonders of God’s glory that we would have missed otherwise. We have learned to pray sincerely, “Lord, as long as you are glorified, bring whatever you deem best.” And we have been carried along on waves of God’s unending grace. It has been “grace on top of grace” (John 1.16).

There’s been a whole lot more to 2008 than my battle with cancer. Angelica started K5 at Greenville Classical Academy—and loves it! Raeanna (3) and Liviya (2) are enjoying extra morning times with Mommy, excited about music class, and being adorable, carefree preschoolers. Kimberly has been truly amazing. You’d think taking care of three children ages five and under would be enough. But add to that a thirty-one-year-old cancer patient, and you’ve got a busy life! If you know her at all, though, you won’t be surprised to hear me tell you that she has handled this with steady confidence in God and increasing delight in her Savior. That’s not at all to say that this has been easy; it is to say that God has been more than enough.

In all our light affliction, we have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. Neither we nor you know what 2009 will bring. But know this: whatever God does in your life next year, he will do it to magnify the worth of his Son in your eyes. And that is worth whatever pain we must endure.

Merry Christmas!

Matthew, Kimberly, and the girls

Piper on Cancer and Priorities

Among other things John Piper says on his fortieth wedding anniversary is this gem:

"Once you've had cancer, you don't put things off the same."

"If you believe in heaven and hell, how much do you have to hate a person not to proselytize?"

What do atheists think about Christians who do not evangelize them? Penn Fraser Jillette (of Penn and Teller fame) surely doesn't speak for all the rest. But here's part of his response to a gentleman who kindly approached him and handed him a copy of the New Testament.

"I don't respect people who don't proselytize. If you believe that there's a heaven and hell, and people could be going to hell, and you think, 'Well, it's not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward,' . . . how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize?"

HT: Darryl Dash and Josh.

The Meaning of Christmas

Here's a great, short video to pass along to anyone who doesn't know Christ.



HT: Josh.

Gentlemen, Stay Out of the Doghouse

Beware of the Doghouse

Hard Times Bringing Evangelical Growth

So reports this New York Times article. One interesting tidbit: churches dubbing themselves evangelical see much more numeric growth during economic recessions than do Catholic or mainline Protestant churches.

Cancer Journal (08.12.02): The Mercy of God in Cancer

Danny afforded me the opportunity to preach this past Sunday since his family was in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. When I asked his permission to share an extended testimony of what God has been doing in my life through my cancer, he enthusiastically agreed. The audio is now available for download, as are my notes, at least for now.

HT: Brad. He first suggested this idea to me, after Sandy encouraged him to do the same thing in August.